Murder in the Beer garden

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Horst – Hey Werner how are we doing with inventory levels?

Werner – We’re right on schedule. We’ve got the right number of kegs in the cooler. We’ve got 4 more days on the two batches cooking in the brewery, and we’ve got all the product on hand to create the batch after that. Yeah, it’s all good.

Horst – I hear you have visitors in town. What’s that all about?

Werner – Well now is probably as good a time as any to tell you. I’ve created a new beer and the folks from Miller and Budweiser are both here to talk about buying my formula and process to brew the beer in America.

Horst – Is this your beer or our beer?

Werner – Mine

Horst – We’ve been working together for 20 years. Why shouldn’t I be involved in this new venture?

Werner – Actually Horst for the past 20 years I’ve been working for you. When we started you had $1,000 and I knew how to make beer. From the very beginning you owned everything, and I worked for you.

Horst – I’ve always been good to you.

Gabby – Too good

Werner – You have paid me no more than I could have gotten at any other brewery.

Gabby – Even if you forget about loyalty, which you obviously have, you can’t use our facilities and product to make a beer and not include us in the profits.

Booby – Tell him mom. That just not fair.

Gertrude – Wait a minute. Werner never used anything of yours in making his beer. Now I see why.

Werner – She’s right. I never used so much as a cup of hops of yours in making my beer. I’ve got my own micro brewery in my garage. For the last 5 years at night after all my work was done here I worked on my beer.

Horst – What’s so special about your beer? The Americans already import German beer.

Werner – Give it a try

Everyone tries the beer

Horst – Yeah, it’s good

Booby – It tastes a bit like our lager

Gabby – You’ve always made good beer. That’s why we kept you on all these years. This tastes like a good German beer but nothing special.

Gertrude – The special part is that there are 50 calories and only 2 carbs per 12 ounces.

Horst – What? This is a light beer.

Booby – No way

Werner – It’s a light beer with real German flavor. And only 2 carbs. It’s a new process I’ve invented. That combined with my new formula makes the difference. (Werner holds up his notebook)

Booby – The Americans are going to love this.

Werner – So it seems. Last month when we went to America on vacation, I had set up an appointment with Budweiser. It was Gertrude’s idea to call Miller while we were there. As soon as they found out Bud was interested they flew us from St. Louisto Milwaukee to meet with their people.

Gertrude – In a private jet

Gabby – You’ve got to be kidding me…a private jet?

Werner – Now they’re both here to give us an offer…tonight.

Horst – Now that’s what I mean Werner. You’re a great beer meister but I’ve always been the businessman. If we do this together I can make a much better deal for both of us.

Werner – You know Horst at any time over the past 20 years including all 5 of the expansions had you invited me in then this would be half yours. But as it stands I guess I’m going to stumble through the negotiations on my own.

Horst – What about my brewery and beer garden?

Werner – For the past 6 years I’ve been teaching Booby how to brew beer. He knows how. Now it’s your job to teach him to be willing to work instead of running around like a playboy.

Booby – Playboy?

Gabby – It isn’t fair.

Gertrude – It never has been.

Exit Horst, Gabby and Booby.

Scene 1 A Werner and Gertrude

Werner – How do you think that went?

Gertrude – Oh my God. That must have felt so good for you after all these years of being under appreciated. Gabby went nuts with the private jet plane ride. That’s all she can think about.

Werner – Not Horst. He’s a money guy. He would kill to get his fingers in this deal.

Gertrude – They both would.

Scene 1 B– Horst, Gabby and Booby

Gabby – Do you believe Miller flew them in a private jet.

Horst – Do you realize how big this thing is? It’s gonna’ be worth millions. I wish you would have let me make him a partner.

Gabby – I can’t picture her walking in the door of that private plane.

Booby – Get over it mom. There’s got to be a way for us to get in on this.

Horst – The secret is literally in that book of his.

END SCENE 1

Scene 2 

Narrator – Scene 2 opens as Dan from Miller meets Bill from Budweiser as they walk towards Werner’s office.

Bill – What are you doing here?

Dan – I’m just vacationing in Bavaria.

Bill – Yeah right, you’re here for the deal. How hard are you pressing?

Dan – We’re here to get it - We’ve got a good package to offer.

Bill - I need to make this deal and I certainly don’t need to loose another one to you. I could make your life a lot sweeter if you could help me win. You’re a salary guy. If I win I actually win – and I don’t mind spreading the wealth.

Dan – You know I don’t work like that. Let’s just see who has the better offer.

Bill and Dan enter Werner’s office after Bill makes a quick phone call on his cell phone Gertrude is also present.

Dan – Good evening, I’m Dan representing the Miller Company.

Bill – And I’m Bill representing Budweiser. I have to say this is unusual. Normally we present our proposal – find your reaction – and see if we can structure something that is good for both of us.

Werner – I’m not a businessman, I make beer. Through hard work I’ve found a way to make a low calorie, low carb beer with a genuine German flavor. (Werner holds up book) Your scientists have all validated that what I say is true. Your marketing people think they can sell many glasses of my beer. 

I want to hear what both of you have to offer and after talking to my wife, I will give you my decision tomorrow. Who wants to go first?

Pause

Werner – Well?

Dan – We are impressed with what you have created. We think we have a success on our hands. We would like to move you to Milwaukee. We will put your procedures in production. We will pay you $250,000 up front, a comfortable salary and a royalty of $1 a case and $5 a keg for “Wernerbrau Beer”, which is the name we have selected. We want you to work with our team to help us make the next product.

Werner – That’s very impressive. How about you Bill?

Bill – I came here willing to offer you $5 million for your patents. (Gertrude noticeably sighs) After hearing that Dan was making an offer I got authority to offer you $10 million – and you don’t have to do anything? Buy an island, a castle, travel, do whatever you want with $10 mill in your pocket.

Gertrude – Oh my God $10 million. Werner, this is wonderful.

Werner – Gentlemen, I will give you my answer in the morning.

People stand shake hands, say goodbye. Bill and Dan exit stage left.

Werner – Well I guess we did well.

Gertrude – Werner, all of this is a blessing and a tribute to your skills. I like the idea of “Wernerbrau”. But $10 million, that’s like hitting the lottery. There’s nothing we can’t do. We can travel, we can live anywhere we want and Gabby will go nuts. Maybe I’ll give her a ride in my jet. This is really marvelous. 

Werner – Darling, I make beer. You would have me lie around all day? I don’t think I could do that well.

Gertrude – I know you want to make beer but do we have to live in Milwaukee? 

Werner – I’ll make sure I have 4 months vacation to go anywhere you want to go.

Gertrude – But vacation is not the same as having all that money in our hands. I really think we should take Bill’s offer. 

Werner – Well tomorrow I might be rich but tonight I’m still a beer meister. I have to go back to the brewery to check the temperature on the two batches of beer I’ve got cooking.

Scene 2 A - Dan and Bill talking with Booby eavesdropping

Dan – I think he’s a smart guy. We’ll see how this turns out.

Bill – They should take the cash. The secrets in that book of his are worth millions to whoever possesses them.

Dan – I don’t think he is ready to retire.

Bill – She is.

Scene 2 B – Booby, Horst and Gabby back at the beer garden

Booby – I just overheard those American beer guys talking. They are offering Werner millions for his formulas.

Gabby – I don’t believe that bitch is going to be a millionaire. 

Horst – I keep telling you the secret is in who has that book.

Scene 3 – Werner is found dead at the Beer Garden. His head has been bashed in with a heavy object. Inspector Schmidt has assembled everyone for his investigation.

Schmidt – We are here to get to the bottom of this horrible event. I’m going to need to know where everyone has been this evening.

Gertrude – There’s nothing to figure out here. It was that jealous bitch and her greedy family that did this to my Werner.

Gabby – I am sorry for your loss but that is an absurd accusation. We were all home watching television, together.

Gertrude – How convenient.

Schmidt – (looking at Horst and Booby) Is that true?

Horst – Yes

Booby – Yeah, Baywatch was on.

Schmidt – (looking at the Americans) And where were you two tonight?

Dan – I’m afraid I don’t have an alibi. I was in my hotel room working on my report for the office.

Bill – Me too. We can’t be suspects. We’re both here trying to make an important deal with Werner. We certainly wouldn’t want to kill him.

Dan – (looking at Bill) Unless one of us thought that he stood a better chance making the deal with Gertrude.

Schmidt – So what I have to figure out is whether Gertrude did it for the money; Horst did it to steal the formula; Booby did it to impress his dad or Gabby did it because she is Gabby. If none of that works then it could be either of you Americans trying to better your chances to make your deal. All very interesting. After my research we will get to the bottom of this heinous crime.

END OF ACT 1

Act 2 – In the Beer Garden with all assembled except the dead Werner

Schmidt – This has been an interesting case. At first I thought, like Gertrude, that Horst and family killed Werner. They are jealous of his potential success.  I eliminated them because at least Horst is smart enough to know that Werner’s secrets are patent protected. Even if they stole the book they couldn’t do anything with it. Initially I thought that Booby who is kind of stupid could have done it but when the family verified each other’s alibi I got the feeling that they didn’t do the dirty deed.

Then I thought it must be the wife trying to get her hands on all that money. That’s usually what happens. But after interviewing many of the town’s people it became clear that Gertrude truly loved Werner and would do nothing to harm him. That brought me to the Americans.

Bill – Wait a minute, I told you. We’re here trying to make a deal. We don’t want him dead.

Schmidt – That’s what I thought at first until I heard about the different proposals that you presented. You Bill, really wanted this deal. Werner wasn’t necessary in your proposal. With him gone The Widow Gertrude could sign over the patents and you would win.

Gertrude – You killed my husband for money. You murdered Werner so you could make his beer. You villain! There is no way I would sell Werner’s secrets to a swine like you.

Bill – I didn’t do it.

Schmidt – Actually Gertrude, he’s right.

All – What?

Schmidt – Then it came to me. If Budweiser could make Werner’s beer without Werner then certainly Miller could do it as well. The only way that Dan could guaranty that he gets the deal would be if Gertrude thought Bill did it. He knew she wouldn’t make a deal with the company that she thought killed her husband, whether there was enough evidence to convict or not. All she needed was the belief that Bill did it.

Bill – (looking at Dan) you knew that I would end up being the prime suspect. Even if they couldn’t prove it, you knew it would be enough to convince Gertrude to make your deal.

Schmidt – I called both of your offices earlier today. Both of your companies want to make this deal with Werner or now Gertrude. Dan, your boss said that he really put the pressure on you to make this deal.

Dan – Pressure, hell, they are playing hard ball. They told me last night that if I don’t make this deal they were going to fire me after 25 years of faithful service.. I had to win. This looked like the way to do it.

Schmidt – Take this swine away.

END